jams diary of things

im a happy one today
lots of reasons but mainly i feel like ive got a huge weight off my shoulders in one respect
all those years of acting paid off big time last night :]
i get to go home soon to see my grandad and my friends
and tonight i get to drink excessive amounts
yess
xx

well its all gone to shit again
anyone who wants to know and who id actually fell comfortable telling (you know who you are) then contact me as i dont wanna rant on here
but the long and the short is
im clearly shit
everything is shit
everyone is shit
n i cant stand it
x

well london has definately picked up
my drinking has too unfortunately
but ive made some lovely mates
tonight seen as everywhere is fuckin over 21s me christian and matt and gonna have a dinner party with spaghetti bolognaise, lots of rose wine and watch Hostel heheheh
and my ex is visiting tomorrow...ah dear
but ye i should really do some studying as fun as not working is
im working in a bar now too, lots of late nights and early lectures ahhh
what is was to be 16 and tossing it off in college, having my parent pay for stuff and walking to my friends houses.
dont like being grown up...
cant wait to get home to see you all again!
miss home
xx

i got a flyer for this shisha place
it gets me a little bit of discount on one so i think i may go tonight
used to go alot back in leeds for them
im sad now
all i do is moan whenever i write on of these
so im either gonna make my next entry a happy one or simply delete the account...
its gonna be the latter isnt it..
fuck.
xx

im drunk
and ive decided to write a journal cause im in a mood..
why am i always used and treated like shit by guys?
im fuckin sick of it
all the time
im sickof wakingup random places n feeling ill n people acting like they care clearly more than they do and most of all people going for looks and not soul
why are all men...content with whatever they can get
ill certainly never settle for that
<3
xx

well im here...
feels like im the only alternative girl in london i swear
met some really nice people but im missing everyine back in leeds alot n i want them to move here but NO.
warm though down here, warmer than home anyways
and for the fucking record
i live in west london
but leeds is
and always will be
my home
miss u leeds
xxx

this morning i woke up in a wood
recently all ive seemed to do is get completely blathered
but ive developed some of the best and closest friendships in the process
and made lots of new friends too
im very happy with that area of my life and ive tried my hardest to make things ok where i can, i dont ever mean to be horrible i just like seeing people ok, this applies acreoss the board with me.
but im sad about moving away from leeds its 2 weeks away and i dont wanna go. or at least half of me doesnt wanna go, one half is saying "yey, new place, new people different lifestyle" but the other is just dwelling on my memories and the people i love.
also my grandad is really poorly n i dont wanna leave him although thanks to being ill all the time myself i can hardly see him whcih is bloody horrible. also typically my bloody parents seem to like me right now but yet im going away too soon to fully reap the financial benefits this new found love offers. smeg.
ah well, gotta do these things i guess
im gonna miss everyone
although sven and tony are coming to visit me in novemeber which makes me a happy bunny
and hopefully emma will come down at some point cause ill miss her lots. but pretty much my firends know who they are so if anyone wants a weekend in london they are more than welcome.
oh n im 20 in like one fuckin week. smeg.